Recent events have reminded me of this quote from Divergent (the book, of course),
“Yes, that whopping two-year gap really is insurmountable, isn’t it?” – Tobias aka “Four” to Tris, referring to their two-year age gap.
When I first learned of a budding romance between a 14-year-old girl and an 18-year-old boy, I declared alerts for heartbreak. Maybe Tris and Four being 16 and 18 respectively could work just fine, but this 4-year age gap in teenage is daunting. And I was right… except they moved on almost instantly. The heartbreak barely lasted long enough for anyone to notice. Perhaps feelings are just another form of physical fatigue, which teenagers enjoy an incredible recovery rate by virtue of being young.
The Rio Olympics Games just started last week, and it has become one of my highlights of the day outside of my very enlightening practicum. Besides being a professional tennis watcher, I am also a sucker for water-related events. Yesterday, when I watched the replay of the men’s synchronized diving 10m platform final, it struck me so hard upon learning that 4 of the 6 medalists are younger than me. Then, I started Googling profiles of divers and swimmers in the semis and finals. Many of these elites are younger than me and barely older than my sister. Suddenly I feel old and stressed.
Maybe it is not fair to focus on divers and swimmers solely. Besides, there certainly are experienced swimmers who are still at their peak well beyond early 20s; Michael Phelps, for instance, is a veteran leader of the elite pack at age 31. Look at tennis – all the top-seeded players are in their late 20s. Roger Federer, though taking an absence this year, just turned 35. Another reason to love tennis more, as if I ever need one.
While athletes are training day and night to reach the peak of their careers, 20s has been a weird period for me. It started with my longing for 21; when I turned 21, I felt like I finally caught up with my friends in the ranks of adults. Then came college graduation. However exciting early 20s sounded, the debilitating workload of my first full-time job took over as the axis of my life. So I started dreaming about 30s. “30s is the new 20s,” I told myself, “and I would have achieved something in my career by then.” Before I realized, Jordan year had quietly arrived – and slipped away; I started to freak out a little.
Apparently, 20s is not so different from teenage afterall. 4 years can make quite a difference in the transitory 20s, athletes or not.
Right now, I am anxious about not knowing where I would be in a year’s time. It feels like college graduation all over again, except I no longer have the luxury of time for trial and error. I have a clear direction, a strong desire to remain in the world’s capital, and an emerging idea about what I want. I have come far since senior year of college and the last Olympic Games. That’s more than enough for now.
My mom constantly told me to stop stressing out so much and try taking life one step at a time. Maybe self-exploration and -discovery are integral parts of this journey called life. I suspect most don’t have it all figured out in their 20s; we just try along or pretend we do. New plan for myself: forgo detailed life-planning and embrace spontaneity more, however hard it may seem.
Let’s check in at Tokyo Olympics and see how we do then, shall we?
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